You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
