No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
