We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize