No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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