I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
