she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
there is glitter all over my balls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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