He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
