this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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