listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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