i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
