He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
