you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
