Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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