He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
