She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Randomize
