Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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