i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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