I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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