oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize