forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize