Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
