So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
