Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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