i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
