In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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