just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
