This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
