So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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