My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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