I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
