2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
