I accidentally burped into my bong.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
