dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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