How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize