God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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