the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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