Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
