some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
