it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
