how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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