Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
