So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
