i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
