my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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