his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize