I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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