I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
