Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
