wrigley field is MILF paradise
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize