Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
