I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
