dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
two words...techno handjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
