I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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