love makes seman taste better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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