So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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