sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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