She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
