Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
