I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She bit a glass in half.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
