I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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