Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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