alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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