He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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