i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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