Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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