Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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