Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
