I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
