So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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